December 5th, 2014
I really like your iteration and the way you talked through your thought process. I think that your final version pictured here is definitely closest to conveying your ideas, but the TV piece is still somewhat cliche. I wonder if you could shift the figure slightly and use phones instead? There is something deeply isolating about being in a room full of people on the phone, and it seems like that feeling is what you are after.
For me the TV's do seem a bit too cliche, and I feel like the second composition without them had a bit more weight to me. I think if you could find a subtler way to represent technology, then that would greatly add to the power of the piece.
I definitely agree with your choice of a washed-out-water look in terms of coloring. That color is reminiscent of the glow that electronic screens give off, and also brings a more somber tone to the piece.
Also I'm not sure if you wanted to go down this path at all, but I one thing that I find interesting about the electronic movement is how infectious it is. After looking through your drafts I thought that if you wanted to you could also show the neglect of the smaller body leading it to turn to electronics as well, creating a cycle.
I'm looking forward to seeing the final piece, and how the color adds to it!
I was interested in your project when I saw some of your first iterations. I think you did a good job of responding to your feedback and making changes to convey what you wanted the audience to feel. I really like your end product, because it made me feel very uncomfortable. I felt with the unbalanced composition and not perfectly 45 degree line it was very unstable and concerning. This made me consider the problem the piece was presenting more fully, because I had such a strong reaction to it and wanted to know more about the piece.
I like how you tied in the aspect of religion towards technology with the praying gestures. I remember discussing that during Friday's lab and I'm glad you managed to incorporate it in in such an simple, yet effective manner. It give the concept of silence and the whole devotion to technology issue much more clarity. Also, deciding to have an empty white space in the top left in the final piece was a good idea. Both that, and the fact that its positioning is symmetrical, (like Laura mentioned above) gives the piece a sense of instability and makes it more thought-provoking;
I really like the outcome of your piece! I think that both the last and second to last version of your piece conveys the message of the song very well. The imbalance combined with the repeating texture of the people draws my eyes to the bottom right corner, which, at first, I wasn't entirely aware that the repeating objects were people, until I saw their legs, then I pieced the composition together. I can see that the repeated pattern could represent a constant, repeated daily action of being utterly consumed in our technology.
I think this piece has made huge progress since the initial drafts. Your color choice is very nice - the pink definitely feels calming and makes it seem like these people are complacent and ignorant of their actual surroundings. The faint glow of the screens was done well, and makes it much easier to see what is going on in the composition.
I think the strongest choice you made was to move the mass of people to the bottom right of the picture. It feels extremely different from the composition that is pushed against the top left corner, and gives off a sense of suffocation and discomfort.
I agree with your choice of taking out the two figures out in the back - for me it evokes even more discomfort, not being able to see anyone or anything that can stand against this technology takeover.
After the initial showing during class, I think that you made a lot of great improvements! Having that repetitiveness of the people on the phones and also having them in close proximity with each other definitely strikes a chord and makes me begin to wonder why there is no other interactions in the piece. Your choice of color I thought was also effective in the sense that the purplish pink makes me feel like this people are self absorbed. I definitely think that you moved in the right direction after your feedback
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